Harbour
by SilverStarsAndMoons
Summary: IzzieAddison, oneshot fic. Takes place after Didn't We Almost Have It All? in Season 3 therefore, contains spoilers for the finale. Addison prepares to leave Seattle Grace and realizes she may have forgotten something.


**Harbour**

Addison counted on her fingers, facing her desk, murmuring under her breath as she organized all of her belongings in her head and in the boxes around her office. Leaving wasn't going to be the easy out she'd imagined – in fact, Addison was reminded just how much she really HATED packing. The office looked forlorn and empty, but Addie tried not to let herself be bothered by how much Seattle Grace had become her dream job. With everything finished, both personally and professionally, Addison hefted one last box on top of her desk and smoothed down her white coat with a sigh. She had one last thing left to do, and then it was off to Los Angeles tonight, with her moving truck following the path her plane would carve through the western states' skies.

As Addie let herself out of her office, she spotted Richard Webber and quickly ducked her head, refusing to meet his eyes. She was still horrendously embarrassed by her behaviour earlier that week – how could she have begged for the Chief of Surgery job? The more time she spent at Seattle Grace, the more she seemed to change. She barely recognized the cool, professional neonatal surgeon who had practically ruled the corridors at Mount Sinai. Now, she was a quivering, emotional mess, not afraid to ask for what she wanted or steal an open-mouthed kiss in the on-call room. In some ways, Addison liked who she had become; in others, she was extremely shocked at the risks she was willing to take – and the things she was willing to give up.

Richard apparently also felt like avoiding Addison, because he brushed by her without so much as a hello. That was fine with Addie – she didn't feel like stopping to talk to anyone. Already, the news of her impending departure had made its way around the hospital, and she knew that it had reached the interns' locker room. Although Addie normally didn't care what the help thought of what she did, there was one particular blonde-haired, brown-eyed doctor who wouldn't be happy at the thought of Addison's leaving. Not only that, she probably wouldn't be willing to discuss it rationally – not after Addison had kind of failed to tell her she was going. She had a reason – but Izzie, she knew, would not see it that way. So this was damage control, and Addison wasn't looking forward to it.

The red-haired attending pushed open the door of the on-call room and found Izzie Stevens lying on her side, back to the door, on her favourite lower bunk. Addison's face relaxed a little and she walked over to the intern, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Izzie?"

Izzie stayed still. "What do you want, Addison? I thought you would have left by now." Her voice was flat-sounding, devoid of emotion.

"Izzie, I – I'm not leaving until tonight," Addie finished lamely. "I need to talk to you. Would you – would you turn over, please?"

Izzie didn't budge. "I don't see why I should do you any favours. After all, I'm just a stupid intern. Why do you even care?"

Addison looked sad. "I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."

Now, Izzie did turn over. She sat up, eyes burning, two spots of red pinpointing her finely-molded cheekbones. "Addison, fuck . . . what are you trying to do to me here? Is this year all about how we can torment Izzie? Because I just don't get it. We have been together – or so I thought – for three months. Three months! I mean, maybe that's not anything big to you, but I really . . . why are you leaving, anyway? I don't see why you feel like you have to go. You've got a good job." She suddenly brushed at her eyes. "You don't need anything else."

Addison sighed, sitting gingerly down on the side of Izzie's bed. "It's not the job, Iz, or that I want to go. I just feel like I have to . . . it's just time for me to move on."

Izzie's voice suddenly became husky. "Move on? Move – Addison!" She brought her fists down on the covers in frustration. "I have had the absolute WORST year of my life. I lost my fiancé. I lost my best friend. I lost the respect of my bosses and my colleagues through my own stupidity. And now, I'm losing my girlfriend, because she needs to "move on"? Are you kidding me? I have had to take so much crap this year, and I like to think that I did it because at one point, it just had to get better. Life couldn't keep throwing me shit. I deserved a break. I can't believe – Addison, what about me? Do you care at all about me?"

Addison reached a tentative hand out to touch Izzie's knee. "Izzie, of course I care about you. Do you realize how hard this was for me, knowing how you'd react?"

Izzie suddenly burst into tears. "This isn't even the half – Addison," she gasped. "Does it even matter that I love you? Does it matter that you're leaving and this is going to rip me completely apart? I just can't take one more horrible experience . . . I can't handle this. I just can't live without you," she sobbed. "I can't, I can't."

Addison's eyes filled with tears and she took the sobbing girl into her arms. "Oh, Izzie," she said, her voice cracking.

"If you're going to go," sobbed Izzie, "then I wish you'd just leave already. If I keep looking at you, I'm not going to be able to watch you walk out that door. I can't watch you walk away from me, knowing that you're never going to come back."

Addison wiped her eyes and tried to gather the girl to her. "Izzie. . ."

"Addie, I mean it. You'd better just go now. I'm going to leave after you and go home and drink every single dreg of alcohol that's still left in Meredith's house. And then I'm going to go to bed and sleep until it stops hurting." Izzie buried her face in her hands and sobbed harder.

The attending pushed back her hair and tried to pull Izzie's hands away from her face. "Izzie – "

"Addison, I mean it. Please, just go . . . just go," wept the intern.

Addison lost patience. "Izzie, LOOK at me!"

Izzie raised her tear-stained, red-blotched face and looked Addison straight in the eyes. "What else is there left to say?"

Addison's face broke into a smile and sniffling back a sob herself, she cupped Izzie's face with her hands. "Well, if you had been willing to listen to me, my stubborn sweet one, I would have told you that I'm leaving tonight on the 8 o'clock flight to Los Angeles . . . and that I hope you'll be on that plane with me."

Izzie's face was a study of shock. Her breath hitched in her chest and she hiccupped once. "Wh-what?"

Addison laughed, her silvery peal of laughter echoing off the walls of the on-call room. "Why did you think that I would leave one of the best things to happen to me since I came to Seattle?" She stroked back Izzie's hair, kissing her tears. "How could you ever think that I didn't care about you enough to tell you I was going? How could you ever think that this relationship didn't mean as much to me as it does to you?" Her voice dropped into a sweet whisper as she gathered Izzie into her arms and held her so closely and so tightly that Izzie could barely breathe for a minute. "How could you ever think that I didn't love you?"

Izzie opened her mouth to answer, but a sob came out instead of words and she turned into Addison, inhaling the attending's sweet perfume, cuddling against her and trying to control her tears. Izzie had cried herself into hyperventilation and she lay against Addie for a minute, waiting for her breathing to return to normal as Addison gently stroked her hair and murmured soothingly.

When Izzie had calmed herself down enough, she tipped her face up to Addison, who bent down to kiss her swollen lips. "I don't expect you to have everything packed – this is a preliminary trip to L.A. so that we can find a place to live. The truck's going to be a few days behind us, anyway. We'll come back to Seattle and pack your stuff – I'd imagine that you don't have a lot, living in Meredith's house."

Izzie shook her head, unable to speak. She simply clung to Addie, her face a mixture of happiness, tears and surprise. Addison laughed again gaily.

"Let's blow this Popsicle stand – aren't you sick of the rain yet?"

_Sail your sea, meet your storm – all I want is to be your harbour;_

_The light in me will guide you home – all I want is to be your harbour._


End file.
